The Bookish Adventures of Juliana Greene: Harry Potter
by the turquoise goldfish
Summary: (See- The Bookish Adventures of Juliana Greene: Percy Jackson) During a Harry Potter marathon with her best friends Lana and Brit, Jules Green manages to wake up during breakfast in the Great Hall. Now a fourth-year Gryffindor, she has to deal with Umbridge, Malfoy, and... oh yeah. Has she mentioned she had literally no idea how to do magic? ::FEATURES PJO IN SOME CHAPTERS::
1. Chapter 1

**HELLO FRIENDS! So, this is the SECOND INSTALLATION of The Bookish Adventures of Juliana Greene series. The first one, in the Percy Jackson category, which is aptly named The Bookish Adventures of Juliana Greene: Percy Jackson. **

**QUICK RECAP: Jules Greene is a super-fangirl, falls asleep on the bus, and wakes up in a cabin on the Argo II. Everyone's memories have been mysteriously altered to think she's been there in Camp Half-Blood all along. Hecate (her goddess mom) tells her she has the special power to travel through the dimensions. So does Rick Riordan. She accidentally brings one of her best friends (Alana Silverstein) in too. Um... so, then she manages to befriend/woo Nico DiAngelo. Hecate gives her a choice: She can stay there forever, and fight Gaea, while her body will go into a coma in the her world, or she can go home. She picks going home, but retains her memories. Turns out, she can bring the Mist back into her world and open portals there. It's really weird. **

**ANYWAYS, ENJOY.**

* * *

"You're lying," insisted Brit. "You expect me to believe some weird story about you two traveling to the world of Percy Jackson?"

"Um, yes, because it's _true!_"

She shook her head and laughed. "God. And, you expect me believe that you, _you_, somehow seduced Nico Di Angelo into being your boyfriend."

"Gee, thanks."

Lana took a bite of her pasta. We were sitting in the cafeteria, eating lunch, the literal day after. I was trying desperately to convince Brit that I could dimension-hop when I slept. "Ish twoo," she mumbled around her mouthful of food.

"Prove it," demanded Brit.

I stood up, and shook my apple slice at her. "Deal."

* * *

"Watch," I said. We were standing in my room. I concentrated, and I started to call the Mist. But- something happened. I could feel it pulsing just out of reach, straining and pushing against the fabric of reality.

But there was nothing.

"Brit, leave the room," said Lana. As soon as the door was closed behind her, magic bloomed from me like a flower. The air crackled with the rich smell of leather and spices. "Back!" Lana commanded. But when Brit peeked inside, the white pearly Mist steamed back into my hands.

"Do you smell ginger?" she asked, wrinkling her nose.

"Crap," I cursed. "What do think this means?"  
"Dunno," replied Lana. "Maybe we're affected with some kind of dimension-y energy now, that allows us to keep in contact with the PJverse?"

"Oh, come on you guys," Brit laughed, shaking her head. "This has gone on long enough."

"No, seriously!" I insisted. "Give us one more chance!"

She rubbed her temples. "One more."

Full circle. Lana and me were sitting on the bus, chatting. "So does this mean it's just going to be us two, like, forever?"

"I don't know. Let's retrace our steps. Did you fall asleep after me two days ago? Or did I pull you in or something?"

"No, I fell asleep too. Like, five minutes after you."

"What happened?"

"I closed my eyes, then BAM! Standing in the dining room of the Argo II. With dinner on the table. I mean, I hadn't eaten breakfast that day. So that was good."

Hmm. "So we need to get Brit to fall asleep immediately after me, right?"

"I guess?"

"You know what I'm going to say now, right?"

"Um… sleepover?"

"This Friday."

"I'll ask my mom." We shook hands.

* * *

"And this is supposed to help… how?" Brit asked, shaking her head. "Look, it's really time you guys drop the act. This has gone on long enough."

"No, c'mon!" Lana complained. "Just give us a chance!"

"Yeah," I pleaded. "Please?" I widened my eyes, and pouted. I picked up one of the eight Harry Potter DVD's lying around. "How could you say no to Daniel Radcliffe?"

"How could you say no to Emma Watson?" Lana muttered.

"Okay, fine! But for the record, I'm just doing it to spend sixteen hours watching Harry Potter."

"I love you."

"As you should, child."

It was four in the afternoon, and we were settling in to literally not move from the couch until the next morning. Sandwiches over there. Lemonade over there. If you need to go to bathroom, _too freaking bad_.

I didn't remember much beyond the fifth movie. Sometime during that period, I'm pretty sure I blacked out. I shut my eyes, exhaled slowly, and let myself drift asleep.

* * *

Next thing I knew, someone was shaking me awake. "Uhhh… go away," I mumbled.

"Jules! Get up! We're going to be late for Potions!"

"Uh huh, yeah sure whatever."

Hang on.

Potions?

I flung myself up, and took in my surroundings. I was sitting at a long wooden table full of kids and breakfast foods, in a giant hall full of more kids and breakfast foods.

Whipping my head around, I stared at the girl who had shaken me. She was really pretty, with straight, ginger hair and a smattering of freckles.

"_Ginny?_"

"Erm, yes?"

I looked down at myself. No. _No._ In addition to a pleated skirt, black Hogwarts robes and flipping knee socks, I was wearing a… a Gryffindor tie.

SUCCESS! SUCCESS! I DID IT! I AM AMAZING! I wanted to scream. _Ha ha ha, oh my god oh my god, I'm in Hogwarts! I'm in Gryffindor! I'M GONNA DIE!_

"We're in the, uh, same year, right?"

"Of course. Are you okay?" Ginny asked with a nervous look. I didn't blame her.

"Do I like, hang out with Luna?"

"Jules, do you need to see Madame Pomfrey?"

"I'm fine. It's just… yeah. I'm good. All is good. Everything is fine."

"Oh!" I clapped my hands. Immediately, Lana and Brit stumbled through the doors of the Great Hall. Lana was wearing Ravenclaw colors, but Brit was still in her pajamas. "Lana's finally here," Ginny mumbled around her waffle. "But who's that?"

"Lana- what? How do you know who Lana is?"

"Because we've known her for four years? Jules, I really think something's wrong. Did you accidentally Obliviate yourself again?"

Ha. Looks like I never changed. But then, maybe me and Lana were affected with some River Song time energy or something, that altered the memories of the people around us.

Awesome! I AM RIVER SONG.

"Um… that's Brittany Halloway," I said. "She… um… can you still get sorted in fourth year?"

"I think you'd have to ask Dumbledore."

Oh crap. Dumbledore! Who'd only live for, um… one more year?

I was out of there like that. "BRIT!" I screamed across the Great Hall. "LOOK AT ME! LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND TELL ME I WAS RIGHT!"

She had tears in her eyes. "I will never doubt you again."

"I'M IN RAVENCLAW!" squealed Lana. Then I realized everyone in the room was staring at us. Professor McGonagall raised her eyebrows.

"I HAVE TO GO SEE DUMBLEDORE!" I shouted at her. "BYE!"

This was so cool. We were so cool. I grabbed Brit and Lana's hands and ran.

**Okay thank you goodbye. **

**-the turquoise goldfish**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay so I know it's been forever since I updated and I'm really really sorry we are SO BUSY in Creative Writing, like we have to submit all this stuff to all these national contests and I wrote a 7,000 word short story in a week and it turns out I was supposed to DOUBLE SPACE it so I can't even submit it and everything has JUST BEEN HORRIBLE IN GENERAL OKAY OH MY GOD. **

**Sorry about that. You guys are my vent.**

* * *

We were up two staircases before I realized we had no idea how to get to Dumbledore's office.

"Why don't we ask one of the paintings?" Lana suggested.

"Good idea," Brit nodded. She hurried over to a portrait of young wizard with bright purple hair. The plaque on his frame read Everett Ciderwillows II.

"Hey man," she greeted. "Do you know how to get to Dumbledore's office?"

"Don't you know?" the guy gasped. "How frightfully simple-minded."

"Can it, you jerk. Are you gonna tell us or not?"

"That way," he sighed, pointing up- OH JOY- another staircase.

"Thanks!"

Through _way _to much running and a lot of portrait asking/threatening, we finally arrived at the familiar gargoyles.

"Kit-Kat, Milky Way, Twizzlers, lollipops, Gummi-Bears… um… what do British people eat? Mars Bars?" recited Lana.

"You need to do wizard candy, remember?" I reminded her.

"Oh, yeah! Ice-Mice, Fire Imps, Chocoballs, Lemon Drops, Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans…"

"JELLY SLUGS!" Brit interrupted.

The statue slid open. "What does that guy do in his spare time?" she muttered.

"Dumbledore?" I asked, knocking on the carved wooden doors. "You in there, bro?"

"Be polite!" Lana hissed.

The doors seemingly swung open by themselves. Except- they didn't seem. This was magic! Okay. Start over.

The doors swung open by themselves. Dumbledore, looking _exactly like I imagined him_, sat as his desk. He peered at us over his half-moon spectacles.

"Come in, girls."

"Um…"

"Hello, sir," Brit nodded. "We'll sit ourselves down, thank you very much."

She pulled up a couple of chairs, and made an impatient motion. _Oh, Brittany. Nothing fazes her._

"I assume you know why we've come," she stated.

"Memory Charms have a habit of not working on me," Dumbledore agreed. "You'll want to get Sorted, now, correct?"

"Mm-hmm."

Me and Lana just sat there looking amazed. Harry didn't lie. There really were a _lot_ of spindly silver things everywhere.

Brit- dear God- actually walked over to a shelf, pulled off the Sorting Hat, and stuck it on her head. She barely had time to breathe before it shouted "GRYFFINDOR!"

"Awesome! We can room together!" She high-fived me.

"Um… yes! Fantabulous!" I snapped out of it. "Plus also Ginny."

"She's not bad, that one."

"Think she'll teach us her Bat-Bogey Hex?"

Lana looked rather put out. "Oh my gosh, you guys. Jealous!"

"Hey, you get Luna!"

"Oh, yeah! Sweet!"

Dumbledore was watching the three of us with a quietly amused expression. "Miss Greene, will you do Miss Halloway the honor of escorting her to the common room? I'm sure she'll want to get settled. And Lana, you'll want to run along to the Astronomy Tower." He wrote something down, and handed it to us. "Late passes."

"Thanks!" Lana smiled sarcastically. "I have no idea where I'm going, or how to do magic, but everything is totally going to be wonderful!"

"Your friends will help you," Dumbledore sighed, shaking his head.

"Lana!" I whispered. "_Respect_!"

"Um… sorry," she blushed. Lana had major "filter issues", to put it lightly.

"Thanks for your help, Headmaster," Brit nodded. "We'll be leaving now."

"Good luck at Hogwarts, you three," he replied. As we left, he shouted something. "Don't forget to take off the Sorting Hat!"

* * *

"I can't _believe_ you sassed Albus Dumbledore?" Brit cried, as soon as we were back in the hallway.

Lana shrugged. "I stop for no man."

"Do either of you know how to get to our common rooms?" I interrupted.

"Nope. How'd you get around the Argo II?" Brit sighed, running a hand through her short hair.

"It was a ship. And the bits didn't move around."

"Fair point."

I waved the late passes at them. "Wanna wander around until we get caught?"

"You know it."

* * *

After about twenty minutes, we emerged from the kitchens with our pockets stuffed full with cookies, candy, cake, and assorted biscuits. Lana almost burst into tears at the sight of Dobby.

To be fair, so did I.

"I w'ove 'dis," Brit mumbled around a mouthful of treacle tart. "I dunno wha' the hell I'm ea'in, but it's awesome."

"You do know we're skipping class on our first day, right?"

"Li' Dumbl'dore cares."

"But seriously," Lana agreed. "We can't just slack off all the time. Hogwarts is still a school."

"Where our grades won't matter." Brit wrapped up the rest of her sweets in a bit of paper. "Saving _that_ for Potions."

"You're hopeless."

"Good."

Just then, a fantastic thing happened.

That thing was Luna Lovegood.

"Hello, Lana!" she called cheerfully.

"LUNA!" Lana squealed.

"Oh, that's very nice. I do love it when people are enthusiastic about meeting me."

"Um, do you know how to find the common room?"

"Yes."

"Will you show us?"

"We _are_ late for Herbology, aren't we?"

"Yes."

"Won't we get punished?"

"Pass from Dumbledore."

"Don't you know how to find your own room?"

"No."

Luna shrugged. With delight, I realized she was wearing her little radish earrings. I WAS THIS GIRL FOR COMIC-CON. THIS WAS NOT SOMETHING YOU GOT TO EXPERIENCE TWICE.

"Alright. Come on then, Lana." She turned back the way she'd come. "And you two, if you want."

"Hell yes, we want!" Brit whispered to me.

* * *

Luna dropped the two of us off at the Gryffindor common room. (Thank god it was her, and not a teacher. I didn't think Professor McGonagall would've been quite as accommodating if she'f found out we'd forgotten where our bedrooms were.)

"Password?" asked the Fat Lady.

"Um… open sesame?"

"Nope."

"Abracadabra?"

"Not even close."

"I can bite through paper when necessary?" offered Brit.

The Fat Lady sighed dramatically, and swung open. We climbed in with utter glee. Honestly though, the common room was really neat. There were a bunch of motley-colored armchairs and couches everywhere, and a roaring flame in the huge fireplace.

The girls dormitory was actually almost the same as the guy's in the movies. Just row of four-poster beds draped in red velvet. Two of them looked neatly made, and had old-fashioned suitcases respectively labeled _Juliana G and Brittany H_. When I opened mine, I found a couple more Hogwarts robes, some of my clothes from home for wearing under said robes, and… oh my god.

A wand.

It was long and deep, hazelnut brown. When I shook it, it didn't bend either. I turned to see Brit holding her own cherry-colored one with a look of perfect happiness.

"I shall call him Bob," she murmured.


	3. Chapter 3

**HELLO GUESS WHAT I'M STILL ALIVE!**  
**I've just been having a lot of problems because 1. the HPverse requires a heck lot of research since it is SO DETAILED AND AMAZING and 2. I'm trying to write this novelly-bookish thing and my goal is a page a day and THOUGH I'VE BEEN DOING THAT it's VERY TIME CONSUMING AND I WOULD NOT RECOMMEND IT. Now that I'm done making excuse BACK TO THE STORY.**

* * *

"Um… okay?"

"What about you?"

"What about me what?"

"What are you naming your wand?"

"Evelyn."

"Why?"

"She looks like an Evelyn."

"Evelyn and Bob. Perfection, mademoiselle."

On top of my nightstand was a stack of textbooks. Potions, Book Four! Gleeful amazing joy!

I really hoped this magic stuff was just going to come naturally. Would there be anything more embarrassing then being the only fourteen-year old Muggleborns in first year?

I waved my wand._ Swish and flick_. "Wingardium Leviosa!" A silk pillow wobbled for a moment, then lifted an inch. _Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god_. I swung my wand to the left. The pillow followed, like it was on a string. _Back and forth and back and forth and back and forth hahaha_ oh my god.

"MAGIC IS EASY," I announced loudly.

"You do realized we're probably charmed to be able to do this without practice, right?"

"Shush. I hear nothing." Yeah, sure, Dumbledore had most likely "bent the guidelines" so I could do this, but who cared?

"What do we have?" Brit asked. "Potions?"

"Joy."

"Hey! I like Snape. Snape is my fave."

"Snape is a bastard."

"How can you _say_ that?!"

We left to find the Potions classroom, arguing all the way.

* * *

The door was locked. Obviously. A Rickman-esque voice trickled from inside, instructing a classroom on the proper way to mix Mandrake oil and dried gurdyroot with a silver spoon.

"What do we do?" I hissed.

"Knock."

"What?"

Brit rapped hard on the wooden door, and didn't stop until it flung open to reveal a very angry middle-aged man with long _greasy_ hair. "Miss Green, Miss Halloway, do you care to explain why you are half an hour late?" A couple ratty Slytherins- DOUBLE POTIONS!- snickered. _Jesus. Are we really those girls now?_

"I have a late pass from Dumbledore, Sna- Professor Snape," Brit explained smoothly, striding past him to an empty desk in the back of the room.

Snape looked like he wanted to slap her, but nodded tightly and shut the door. And ugh, was that Potions classroom gross. The stone walls were slimy and damp, and there was not a window to be seen. (At least normal school had that going for it.) The whole space smelled of mildew. Blech.

The class started chattering, and I realized we had been given our instructions. The chalkboard- CHALKBOARD- read Anti-Paralysis Potion, along with a list of ingredients. Did we have textbooks? A cauldron? Any idea what we were doing?

_No?_ What fun!

Across the room, Ginny waved at us. (She was partnered with Colin Creevy.) _Well, somebody's late, _she mouthed.

"Silence, Miss Weasley," Snape barked from his desk.

"But I didn't-"

"I said_ silence_! Five points from Gryffindor for your… insubordination."

Like a flipping bat.

Anyways. We got a zero.

Duh.

* * *

Ginny caught up with us after class. "Did you guys seriously forget to bring your cauldron?"

"Ginny, I have a confession to make," I muttered. "Lana, Brit, and me are inter-dimensional travelers who come from a universe where you guys are like, the most popular book series ever. I think. We arrived here during breakfast. Your memories are fake."

She was silent for a moment as we climbed up to Charms with Professor Flitwick. "So… are we not friends anymore?"

"What?! No! Oh my god. No."

"However," Brit put in, "I'll tell you your future for a Galleon."

"I haven't got a Galleon on me," Ginny shrugged.

"Alright, fine. You make out with Harry. And then you marry him. And you have three adorable children named Lily Luna, James Sirius, and… um… Albus Severus."

Ginny was white as a sheet, but a slow blush was creeping up her neck. "Wha- how- you're lying!"

"And Dumbledore is gay."

"BRIT!" I slapped her arm.

Ginny blew her hair out of her face. "Called it. Astoria Greengrass owes me a butterbeer."

"Astoria Greengrass… you wanna know who she ends up wi-"

"Shut up!" I protested.

"Malfoy."

Ginny burst into laughter as we entered the classroom. "No!"

"Scorpius. Hyperion. Malfoy. And he might end up with Ron and Hermione's daughter but that's not one hundred percent canon yet. Not sure."

"Dear MERLIN, I cannot take any more of you."

* * *

Charms was officially my favorite class.

Well, I only had Potions to compare it to, and Potions kinda sucked. I got that Snape is really tortured and has awesome character development and I LOVED HIM FOR IT, but being in class with the guy was not my idea of a good time.

And it was weird. As Ginny, Brit and I met up with Neville (SQUEAL!), Luna and Lana, it should have been night back home. But being in London in the eighties was enough of a time-skip that I felt wide awake.

"You good?" I asked Lana, as she twisted her hair into a chignon with her new wand.

"Fantastic. Absolutely astonishingly fantastic!"

"We should have come last year, though. The Tri-Wizard Tournament could've been superfun."

"Mm… so many crossovertunities."

"Crossovertunities?"

"Crossover Opportunities. You dasn't forget Barty Crouch Jr?"

"I dasn't." Lana consistently fell in love with fictional characters/their real-life acting counterparts. Need a list?

Emma Watson, David Tennant, Matthew Lewis, Benedict Cumberbatch, Karen Gillan, Tom Hiddleston… too many to count.

I swear.

Anyways.

Apparently, Brit, Lana and I had become the new Ginny-Luna-Neville, or Harry-Ron-Hermione. Brit-Lana-Jules. Instead of the Golden Trio, we could be the Rainbow Trio! We could save the Ministry of Magic on thestrals! We could fight in the Second Great Wizarding War! We could overthrow Umbridge in the legendary Weasley Prank War, which by my count would happen by the end of the year!

Oh my god. Umbridge.

That nasty little bugger.

She was in the Great Hall too, in a fluffy bubblegum sweater Brit's little sister wouldn't be caught dead in. (Brit had a little sister named Victoria and an older brother named John, and Lana had a college-age sister named Kaylee. I was an only child, which didn't really bug me that much. Stuff was cool.)

And, according to my schedule, I had her NEXT! FANTABULOUS JOY!

Ugh.

Really though, Hogwarts food was pretty good. I never thought I'd like pumpkin juice, but it was actually… pumpkin-spice-lattéish with a little bit of whipped cream and cinnamon.

Hermione was sitting next to Lana, and wonder of wonders, it turned out that she had seen the Paul McGann Doctor Who movie (it was 1996, anyways) and thought it was silly but a bit interesting.

Lana told her to wait until she was twenty six in 2005. Her exact words were "and you will see."

Ginny, I could tell, was trying her hardest not to stare at Harry, who looked like he was having an eating contest with Ron. "Three. Children," I whispered in her ear.

"Mixed feelings."

"So does he."

"Ew!"

* * *

***blows kiss***

**I'll try to update soon but don't hold your breath... Also P.S next chapter introduces DRACO MALFOY (*swoon/slap*)**


	4. Chapter 4

**BEFORE YOU YELL AT ME, LET ME EXPLAIN. **

**So, this chapter isn't that long because I got really really sick for about a week and I was on all these antibiotics and stuff. But then I thought- rather then spend another couple of days getting the length up to par, might as well just upload right away! Tada!**

**Also: I literally never anticipated how much research this would take. HP has it's own timeline, with specific dates and everything, so for those of you with OCD, the date is October 30th, 1995 (and I made a tiny mistake in referencing Doctor Who, but just ignore that plot hole and pretend everything is wondermazing!)**

**:D!**

* * *

What was next? Ooh!

Defense Against the Dark Arts! WHAT A JOY!

I mean, yes Snape is kind of a bastard and yes Voldemort is a TOTAL bastard but DOLORES UMBRIDGE TOOK THE CAKE. I just hoped I wouldn't get detention (*snort*). Self-mutilation isn't my cup of tea.

On the way out of the Great Hall- extra food stuffed in my bag for snacks during class!- I was looking the other way, talking to Lana when SLAM! I toppled into something.

Oh. Not something. Some_one_.

More importantly, a handsome blonde fellow in Slytherin colors bearing a _distinct resemblance_ to Tom Felton.

"Watch where you're going, you little Mudblood," he sneered.

Not just a resemblance then. "Don't call her a Mudblood, you egotistical freak!" Lana seethed.

"Why should I?"

Jesus, for such an attractive guy he sure was kind of a douchebag.

"You'll _stop_ because your behaviour is absolutely _revolting_. I never want to hear you call her, me, or Brit a _Mudblood_ again -Hermione, too- or I'll read you all the Drapple fanfiction I can lay my hands on!"

"_Drapple?_"

"You_ don't_ wanna know." Lana grabbed my arm and we swept regally away. But as soon as we were out of earshot, both of us broke down. "Oh. My. God," she choked. "Oh my god oh my god oh my god!"

"What was that?!" Brit practically screamed, catching up with us. Ginny high-fived me. "I don't know what you did, but you did it good."

"Drapple is um… Draco paired with an apple."

She clamped a hand over her mouth. "What."

"Yeah," I shrugged. "All the smut."

"WHAT."

Luna drifted between us, her radish (Gurdyroot?) earrings dangling almost to her shoulders. "It's not a very widely understood topic," she mused.

"Drapple?" Lana asked, wrinkling her nose.

"Yes… human/fruit relations in general. I think it's a bit odd personally." She wandered off into the crowd.

"What's that girl smoking?" whispered Lana.

"Be nice!"

"I'd pick honesty over niceness. Candor FTW!"

"Exactly."

Lana and Luna had double Herbology, so we said our goodbyes to them and Neville (who was already fifteen) and headed to DADA. Suddenly, Ginny inhaled sharply, and clamped a hand to her pocket.

"What is it?" Brit asked, frowning.

"Nothing, DA meeting tonight." She pulled out a Galleon, with today's date emblazoned on it. "Why- oh, yeah. You don't have coins… well, you can follow me."

I'll spare you the details. In any case, it seemed I had built a preconceived reputation with Professor Umbridge. She spent the whole class shooting me little looks, looks that plainly said _You're dead meat, freak_. If there was ever a polar opposite of Percy's baby seal, it was this lady.

But like, I've read Order of the Phoenix. I knew Umbridge was just a jerk. she was a straight-up abusive Mean Girl. A Mean Girl who used freaking _Cruciatus Curses _on students. Seriously, that is_ so_ messed up.

After DADA, we had double Transfiguration, where I spent the entire time mouthing insults at Malfoy and only Ginny managed to successfully turn a stick of celery into a garden snake. It was pretty funny actually- his face got redder and redder until he looked like a blonde raspberry.

Well, at least until McGonagall scolded us. But mostly him.

Mostly him.

As we left class, Brit whispered in my ear "If Lana wasn't a giant lesbian I'd totally ship them. They're, like, the same."

"He has to marry Astoria Greengrass, remember?"

"I know, but _dating_._ Dating_ isn't _marrying_. It's _dating_. Besides, Lana_ is_ a giant lesbian so there's nothing we can do."

"Well, I thought Nico was gay until I kissed him."

"Blech. In any case, Lana is not going to kiss Draco Malfoy."

"_Please_."

"And thank you. Isn't that right, Drakey-Poo?" she commented snidely to a certain ferrety Slytherin.

"Merlin help me, if we weren't in class right now I'd hex you into oblivion, Mudblood."

"I'd hex you into oblivion if I knew any hexes, pureblood." She flipped her hair and sashayed away.

"Lana and Malfoy? You and Malfoy! The chemistry is obvious," Ginny commented. "Sparks flying."

"Jesus!" Brit punched her lightly in the arm. "Go away!"

"Seriously!"

"Wow, that would so be us," I sung as we left. "Soaring through dimensions, picking up fictional men… I can see it- we'd have awesome outfits and our hair would blow in the solar wind."

"I'll kill you. I'll kill you BOTH. _I'll cut off your noses with a kitchen knife._"

"Jesus. Cool it."

"Look," Brit explained, annoyed. "Malfoy is one of my favorite characters, I admit. But just because I like _reading_ about him doesn't mean I actually enjoy _spending time_ with the loser."

"I know, I know. You make an excellent point. Can we please get to the DA meeting now?"

"Oh! Yes," Ginny interrupted, flicking the fake Galleon out of her pocket and doing a delighted little spin. "We're doing… the Impediment Jinx, I think. And tomorrow's Halloween, did you know? I nearly forgot."

"Do we dress up?" I asked. "Is that a thing? Do we get to dress up?"

"Um… no? Just the feast, really."

"Gods of Olympus. That sucks."

She shrugged. "I dunno. I mean, I guess they do costumes in America, but it's not really a big deal here."

"We'll see about that."

The entire day had gone by super fast. Theoretically, Lana, Brit and I hadn't actually slept in something like twenty hours, plus transatlantic jet-lag, but I didn't feel tired at all. Actually, the same thing had happened on the Argo II. Somehow, the fake sleep that I'd gotten, whether it be knocked out in a cabin or asleep at the breakfast table, worked it's magic. Even my hair was brushed, though I certainly hadn't brushed it.

There was still a lot to learn about my dimension-traveling powers. I didn't know why they had emerged now, or how many infinite universes there were, or even how many other people had powers like I did. And this time, I didn't even have a creepy goddess mom watching over me.

Well, not that I liked Hecate that much. But she was semi-helpful at least.

I'd need to talk with Lana and Brit after the DA. But there was still dinner…

Lord. Hogwarts was almost as bad as _real school_.

(Except_ not at all_, because it was _magic school_.)

* * *

**_Drapple._ Really.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay, guys. It's time for me to admit something- writing a novel is freaking hard. I was all prepared to just puns out 50k in a couple months but IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE. At least this is an extra long chapter... **

**Also, search up FERRET COSTUMES FOR PEOPLE. You won't regret it.**

* * *

We had to split up into groups to leave the Great Hall without suspicion- I went with Lana and Brit, after Harry, Ron, and Hermione, since we didn't really know how to get there. The three of us caught up with them just outside the doors.

"Okay, so has Ginny filled you in during dinner right?"

"Yes," Hermione nodded enthusiastically. "It's all so fascinating! I can't believe… I mean, there was always speculation about multiple universes, but there's only been a few cases of beings claiming to be _from_ a different dimension in recorded history! Would you mind if I asked you a few questions?"

"Merlin's beard, 'Mione," Ron groaned. "Slow down."

"Just because _you _have the intelligence of a toothbrush, Ronald, doesn't mean the rest of us do," Lana filled in with satisfaction.

"Come on," I motioned. "We have to get there before the others."

"Yeah, you're right," Harry agreed. "This way."

"Also, FYI," Brit noted distractedly, "the reason Malfoy is such a bastard to you, Hermione, is because he likes you."

"What?!" Hermione screeched.

"Nothing. Let's go."

That was something different about being in the Harry Potter-verse. We knew exactly what was going to happen, who liked who and who married who. Which was fun, in a god-like sorta way.

"Besides. Lavender Brown is a slut."

Leaving that hanging in the air, I dragged them away.

"_Impedimentia!_"

Lana flew backwards and landed in a pile of cushions. "WOO!" she shouted. "AGAIN!"

The Room of Requirement was filled with pairs of screaming, hexing teenagers. Harry and Hermione wandered about helping. "Nice," Harry had complimented Brit on her successful tossing of Zacharias Smith into… well, into the wall, earning a furious scowl from the injured Hufflepuff twat. (Like, she'd "meant" to hit Ginny, but…)

Actually, I was really excited to learn the patronus charm. Ever Potterhead tries to imagine it, but now _I'd actually get to know_.

I hoped it was a pygmy elephant. Or a llama! Jesus Christ, a _llama_!

"Switch places!" Harry called. Lana leapt up from the ground and swung her wand at me. "Impedimetia!"

I went flying. "WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO, KILL ME?!"

Lana swished her hair out of her face and blew imaginary smoke off the tip of her wand. "I need to hone my Voldemort-slaying skills."

"Damn right you do. You couldn't hurt a capybara."

"A capybara?"

"A _cabybara_. You're weak."

"Why you little…" she seethed. "Impedimentia! Impedimentia! Impedimentia!" The world went tumbling around my head. First I slammed into the wall, then was thrown forwards in slow-motion. After a brief stint upside down, I crashed on my head. _Graceful, Jules. Real smooth_.

"Um… I probably shouldn't do three at once," Lana said sheepishly.

I gave her a weary thumbs-up. "You go, girl."

Suddenly, we realized the entire room was silent. Fred Weasley wolf-whistled, a lone sound in the midst of quiet.

"Back to work!" Hermione shouted, waving her hands. "Good job, Lana."

"Thanks."

I rubbed the back of my neck. "This hurts. You hurt me. I hate you."

"Good," Lana replied. She flipped her hair with the back of her hand. "Hey, did you know there's this Ravenclaw named Anthony Goldstein?"

"Oh yeah, he's Jewish right? J.K Rowling tweeted about it."

"I think so." Lana's mom was from Israel, and her dad was a German Jew, which meant she'd had a gigantic bat mitzvah last year with a three-tier cake with a TARDIS on top.

"Goldstein, Silverstein," I mused. "Bronzestein? Platinumstein?"

"No."

It was the night before Halloween, and me, Brit, Ginny, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Luna, Fred, George and Lana were all sprawled around the Gryffindor common room. Hermione was good at sewing spells, and was trying to magick up costumes according to our tastes.

"You should be a carrot, Ron," Brit said, from her position hanging upside down in an overstuffed red and gold armchair.

"Hey!"

Hermione and Harry were much more conscious of pop culture, and discussed possible outfits in the flickering firelight. Actually, much to Lana's delight, Hermione decided on going as the Fourth Doctor. We were trying to convince Harry to darken his glasses and go as John Lennon. (Which went a little something like this: Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease? NO!)

"You guys!" I shouted, rolling over on the carpet to face them. "Let's dress Malfoy up as a ferret!"

"Oh, what? Yes!" Lana squealed. "Oh my God, yes!" Hermione immediately waved her arms and brought, according to our specifications, into existence the most adorable full-body ferret onesie ever made.

"Who wants to sneak into the Slytherin common room and use a sticking charm to force Malfoy into it?"

"Me!" Hermione volunteered gleefully.

"I will," I agreed.

"I'll go," said Fred and George at the same time. "Both of us will."

"This is too good to miss," George snickered.

"Great," Lana said with all the air of an awesome lady supervillain boss. "Ginny, you're in charge of tying Harry up and enchanting peace signs on his glasses. Go!"

How to force your way into the bedroom of one of the biggest jerks in Hogwarts armed with the two biggest pranksters of the generation, the brightest witch of her age, magic, and sarcasm? It was a question nobody knew how to answer. TBH, nobody even knew where to start, until Fred revealed he'd pinched the Marauder's Map from Harry's trunk. "Looking for something, ladies?"

"A true hero." George tipped an imaginary hat his way.

"Okay, let me see that," Hermione said, grabbing the map and turning it the right way up. The Fat Lady watched up disapprovingly, but didn't say anything. Hey, she was guarding Gryffindor after all. "The Slytherin common room is behind the stone wall, we know that. The password in second year was Pure-blood, but of course that's changed. Something equally prissy, though."

"Why don't we just bother somebody into giving it to us?" I asked.

"That would never work! Would it?"

"What about… Astoria Greengrass? She's in Slytherin."

"There is no chance that Astoria would be up at this-"

Fred broke in with excitement. "Coming down now! We have to hurry!"

The four of us broke into a weird broken half-run, trying to avoid Filch and Mrs. Norris while simultaneously cursing ourselves that we'd forgotten the Invisibility Cloak. As we got closer to the dungeons (seriously though, why does a boarding school even have dungeons?) it got colder and colder. Probably submerging ourselves in the lake. In any case, we caught Astoria Greengrass, tall and brunette, just about to speak the password necessary to make the section of the enchanted stone wall slide aside. "Astoria!" I hissed.

She turned around, surprised. "Jules? What are you doing here?"

"We need the password to the common room," Hermione explained. "We're going to stuff Malfoy in an enchanted ferret costume for Halloween." She pointed to the large mocha-colored fur onesie clutched in her arms. George was holding the embarrassingly gigantic ferret headpiece.

Astoria looked conflicted. "As much as I want to see that little brat wearing a ferret costume…"

"Please?" I whined. "It's for a good cause!"

"Meh. Sure." She turned to the entrance. "Emerald."

"Emerald?" Hermione snorted. "Wow, that is awful."

"I don't come up with them," Astoria shrugged in agreement. "Go on in."

* * *

**This is gonna be fun.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Voilá, ma petite chéries. **

**Also,_ Spazz_, it's here. Now will you _please_ stop bugging me?!**

**I'm just kidding. You're a treasure. **

* * *

Hermione pursed her lips. "It's ugly."

The Slytherin common room was damp and low-ceilinged, with mossy black stones and green light reflecting in from the underwater windows, as well as a few floating green lamps. The period furniture looked like it had come straight out of the Renaissance.

"It's gorgeous," I gushed.

Astoria rolled her eyes. "It's cold. And it smells like money."

"Which room is Malfoy's?" Hermione asked.

"Boy's dorms over there." She pointed to a huge set of oak doors. "I mean, personally I've never been in his bedroom, but let's just say he… gets around, and I know girls who…" Astoria trailed off pointedly.

Fred snorted. "Who'd want to-" Hermione kicked him in the shin before he could finish his sentence. "Let's go."

We pushed through the doors, and said goodnight to Astoria, who was completely oblivious of the '_getting around_' she'd do when they were, _cough cough_, married.

We found ourselves in the fifth year dormitory, a gothic room with huge towering canopy beds in embroidered green silks. A figure slept in every one of them. "How do we know which one is him?" George asked.

"That one." Hermione pointed to another set of doors emblazoned with his name on it. "Makes sense he'd weasel his way into private room."

"Or should I say… _ferreted_."

She cracked a smile. The four of us cautiously opened the door- with Hermione's simple Alohamora charm- and looked in on Malfoy peacefully asleep in a ridiculously huge room. The wall facing the lake was almost entirely covered by two huge windows, complete with a set of emerald satin drapes. Malfoy's bed was made of black wood with silver caps. He looked… well, he looked _adorable _and totally _non-evil. _

I did a mental squeal, and was overcome with the urge to touch his perfect hair. _God, Jules. You're a taken woman_.

"Don't come in any closer," Hermione warned. "There are probably charms guarding him." Cautiously, she waved her wand over the ground and mumbled something under her breath. A thin white line around Malfoy's bed came into sight before fading away.

"Nice disabling spell," I complimented. I crept closer to the sleeping Malfoy and couldn't keep a demented smile off of my face.

He was _so attractive_. How could someone so gorgeous be SUCH A BASTARD?

I thought of Nico, with his messy emo hair and shy, awkward smile. And that aviator jacket, the one that was a _little_ too big.

_Gods of Olympus._ I couldn't believe girls at my own school were settling for regular non-magical guys. They were seriously missing out.

"You take his feet," I heard Fred snicker, snapping me out of my daze.

"Gladly," George obliged. Thankfully, the costume was big enough to go _over _his stripy silk pajamas. That was _not_ something I wanted to see.

"Aah! He's waking up!" Hermione hissed.

I grabbed the headpiece and settled it over his head as Malfoy started to squirm. "It's permanent, right?"

"As best as I know how! Run!"

Fred, George, Hermione and I broke into a scramble as Malfoy tried to stumble out of bed. The costume was enchanted so he could breathe fine, but any sound was completely muffled, and he wouldn't be able to make out our faces either.

We forced through the doors of his bedroom and raced out of the Slytherin common room. Hermione looked like she was going to start hyperventilating.

I had never before appreciated just how many flights of stairs on the way from the dungeons to the Gryffindor quarters. And yet… somehow being chased by a horrifying man-ferret gave me, a naturally "athletically challenged" girl, the fuel to sprint all the way there.

We tumbled back into the common room laughing. Harry scowled up at us with peace signs on his glasses.

"I take it your mission was successful?" Brit snorted.

"Damn right," I choked out.

* * *

Fangirling is a weird feeling. It's like… your heart is a balloon that's being blown up with helium. And there's so much pressure that you start smiling, and your hands start flailing- like, what the heck do you even do with your hands? Lana had this theory that what you were really trying to do was wrap your hands around the object of your affection and squeeze the life out of them.

Considering what had happened that one memorable ComicCon, we probably shouldn't have ever let her near Matt Smith.

But that was besides the point. As I lay in the girls dormitory, the fire flickering, the bed heated with hot bricks, my heart swelled up like I had just kissed Nico under the stars. HP was part of my childhood. It was the series that forced me into the fandom like an ant in Jello.

_Woah. That was an excellent simile. _

Luna had retreated to the Astronomy Tower some time ago, attempting to create a Crumple-Horned Snorkack outfit but falling short due to the fact that nobody knew what it looked like. She'd eventually decided to go with a huge papier mâché horn attached to her head and just… explain it to people, I guess.

Brit, Lana, and I, gloriously uncaring of appropriate pop culture references were Elizabeth from her favorite video game, Bioshock, Sherlock, and Amy Pond, respectively. (Hermione had agreed to try her hand at charming off my freckles for a day.)

I hadn't done a speck of homework, I'd teamed up with two legendary pranksters and the smartest witch of the year to trap a student in a ferret costume, and tomorrow I was going to parade through Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry dressed as a character from Doctor Who.

All in all, I fell asleep grinning like an idiot.


	7. Chapter 7

**HI EVERYONE! I _know_ I promised to write more often but I SWEAR TO GOD I HAVE A GOOD REASON. Okay so, me and two of my friends got in.. _cough cough_... 'administrative trouble' at school and we had our internet privileges taken away for a bit... BUT I'M BACK IN BUSINESS. Thanks for sticking with me! (Also, someone commented on my Percy Jackson fic "Mrs. or Mr. Goldfish", and if it wasn't already apparent, I'M A GIRL. You're welcome.)**

* * *

"Wake up."

I opened my eyes. "Go away, Mom. I'm sleeping."

"No you're not, and I'm not your Mom. Stupid."

"Brit? How did you get in my house?"

"The window."

At that, I sat up straight and realized where I was. AKA, Hogwarts. Because I was a witch. In Gryffindor. Like a freaking warrior mage High Queen. "What do you want? It's like, seven."

"Seven thirty-two. We need to transfigure our costumes, remember?"

"Oh yeah. How do you transfigure?"

"No idea. Wake up Ginny."

"Mm." I nodded in agreement before turning around to look at the youngest Weasley's sleeping figure and jumping her. By which I meant jumping on, not the other thing, because Ginny was attractive and all but that was more Lana's speed.

"AAAAH!" she screamed, whipping out her wand a shouting the first thing that came to mind. "Impedimentia!" Thankfully, the spell chose that moment to call in a favor with Jesus and merely slowly toss me to the ground. I landed feather-light. "Fail."

"Jules!" Ginny seethed. "You little-"

"Yeah, yeah, blah blah whatever," Brit interrupted cheerily. "Do you play Bioshock?"

"Bio-what?"

"Oh, yeah. Eighties kids. Shoot. Um… I don't have any reference…" she rummaged in her trunk and held up a shoelace. "Can you transfigure this into a blue ribbon?"

"Eh." Ginny tapped it with her wand and it shivered and stretched into said item. "Can I sleep?"

"No chance, love."

"Here, let me try," I volunteered. "Our wands are enchanted, remember? Um… Abracadabra, TRANSFIGURE!"

I tapped Brit's hair, and it immediately lengthened to brush the ends of her shoulder blades. She ran a hand through it. "Cool!"

"Magic," I explained calmly.

Ginny tied the ends with her ribbon. (She'd insisted on Gwenog Jones from the Holyhead Harpies). Brit, getting into the spirit, ran the tip of her wand over her pajamas and they flounced out into Elizabeth's blue dress. "I feel like Cinderella," she snorted, doing a little twirl.

"My turn!" Hermione, bless her soul, had lent me her Sleekeazy hair potion. I plucked the small purple bottle out of my bedside drawer and squirted a glob of sparkling lavender cream onto my hand.

"Blech," Ginny said, ruffling out her bright hair that basically looked like Jules 2.0- now with no frizz! "Is that what she uses?"

"I guess?" I pulled the ponytail holder out, dumped the glittery mess onto the top of my head, and spread it out with my fingers. Then, something incredible happened. Right in front of my eyes, my hair transformed into something amazing- bright red and smooth and absolutely WONDERMAZINGLY FANTABULOUS LIKE WHAT EVEN WAS GOING ON. I grabbed a compact mirror from Brit and looked at myself. "Holy crap," I breathed in awe.

Like, Hermione had nothing on me. In the fourth book, she comes down the stairs with smooth model hair, but HELLO, LOOK AT ME. I looked like Karen Gillan. I looked like _Amy Pond. _

Oh. My. Sweet. Mother. Of. God. "I love you, Hermione," I whispered to my reflection.

"What?" Ginny asked.

"What, what? Nothing. What?"

She quickly turned her laugh into a cough, and faced Brit. None of the other girls in our dorm had woken up yet- somehow- and were apparently making the most of the weekend. A girl who I vaguely remembered to be Melissa Something cracked open an eye at us, shrugged, and went back to sleep. Apparently, the three of us had landed right smack dab into the middle of a powerful reputation for being like, the three coolest girls ever to tread the soil of this Earth.

"Won't we get in trouble for not wearing robes?" Brit asked as she slowly transfigured a Hello Kitty T-shirt into Elizabeth's shoes.

"I suppose we can just wear them over our costumes," Ginny suggested. She'd borrowed/stolen George's beater outfit, shrunk it down to size, and was busy try to turn an old Gryffindor sweater Holyhead Harpie yellow. "They can't exactly stop us from dressing like this."

"I bet Snape would if he could," I snorted. "Halloway! Weasley! Greene! Detention for the rest of the year!"

"Wouldn't put it past the bugger," Ginny agreed. "Do you think Malfoy ever managed his way out of the ferret suit?"

I imagined Malfoy stumbling into the Great Hall dressed like an animatronic from Five Nights at Freddy's. (BTW, Brit was OBSESSED and I was TERRIFIED.) "I hope not. Can you picture it?"

She grinned. "And Astoria still goes for him?"

"I know right? She's got it _bad._"

"_Gross._"

"Mm. I think I'm gonna have to go with plaid shirt and jeans."

"Why?" Brit asked.

"Because I'm fourteen and this is a school. Do you really think I want to parade around in a miniskirt?"

"Why not?"

"Oh, shut up. Hopeless." I tried to make an already ratty pair of leggings turn to smoking hot skinny jeans, but to my delight I COULDN'T NOT GET THEM OVER MY KNEE CAPS. "Di Immortales!" I cursed, imitating Hazel. This was going to take some thought. I returned my pants to their normal state, before putting them on and shrinking them while they were on my legs.

"Are you okay?" Ginny said, staring. I doubled over.

"I can't breathe, I can't sit, but I look amazing. Price of beauty, amiright?" I wheezed out.

"More like price of decent cosplay," Brit said sarcastically. "Don't tell me you'd do this to yourself for prom."

"Haha no. Oh, god, these are tight."

* * *

We met up with Hermione in the common room, gushing over her amazing outfit. "Finally!" she said. "I can leave my hair like it is!" Harry was wearing a white shirt, a jean jacket, and tinted glasses. "I hate you," he griped

Ron had dressed up as the captain of the Chudley Cannons, and upon seeing Ginny's outfit, started scolding her for stealing his- unoriginal- idea. When we entered the Great Hall, everyone turned to stare. A few kids were wearing witch hats or something festive, but nothing like us. Lana waved us over, and dragged Luna over the Gryffindor table.

"'Sup, guys. Woah, Jules, you look sexy."

"See, told you," I bragged to Brit.

"Hey, where's Malfoy?" Hermione wondered.

Oh, God. At that prophetic moment, the double doors burst wide open and all four houses burst into screams. Malfoy, ensconced in his ferret costume, ran inside before turning 360 degrees and stumbling around wildly.

"We enchanted it," whispered Fred through the commotion. "Right to the Great Hall."

"Heck yeah!" Lana high-fived him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Okay, so hear me out. THIS TIME I wasn't being lazy and procrastinating by going on Tumblr. THIS TIME I was about to sit down in math class, which is like my first period after CW, and I stick my hand in my backpack to get out my binder and WHAT DO I FIND? The pits of HELL ITSELF have opened up in my bag. So I start rooting around for the source of this mysterious warmth and VOILA. WHAT DO I FIND? My LAPTOP, the one I am typing on right this very moment to give you some meta insight into my life, is OVERHEATING. And not JUST overheating because I've dealt with that but CRAZY OVERHEATING, like burn-your-hand melt-your-hardrive overheating. And I'm FLIPPING OUT so my friend who sits next to me comes over and she's like what's going on and I'm like FEEL and she's like HOLY MARY MOTHER OF GOD THAT IS ONE HOT COMPUTER. So after much deliberation I end up SQUISHING IT UNDER MY CHAIR because the floor is always cold at my school for some strange reason. And eventually the temperature goes down but GUESS WHAT IT WON'T FREAKING TURN ON. And nothing I did could help so I just kind of ignored it and started to hyperventilate and put it away in my room when I get home and GUESS WHAT AFTER LIKE FOREVER IT JUST TURNS ON BY ITSELF I MEAN WHAT THE HELL EVEN.**

**So, yeah, I hope you enjoyed listening to why my laptop is possessed by a fire demon from the mouth of Satan and THAT IS WHY I COULD UPDATE FOR A LONG TIME. PS HAPPY SPRING BREAK FOR ANYONE WHO'S ON IT RIGHT NOW (LIKE ME) I HAVE A TON OF HOMEWORK THAT I'M AVOIDING AND IT FEELS GREAT.**

* * *

Pandemonium ensued.

The teachers, as well as several students, had whipped out their wands, and there were various spells glancing harmlessly off of Malfoy's costume. Professor McGonagall stormed down from the raised teacher's table and cried "Calm down, everybody!" to no effect. With superb timing, he crashed into the Hufflepuff table and knocked over a girl's goblet of pumpkin juice into her scrambled eggs. She almost fell backwards as she jumped up from her seat.

The ten of us sat there complacently in he midst of chaos. Neville entered the Great Hall and turned a neat shade of green, before spotting us and sitting down with a frightened expression. "Have some toast," Lana said.

"Thanks," he replied.

I snickered as Hagrid ran down from the dais, much to the consternation of Umbridge, and full on _ripped_ our quick Sticking Charm.

Nothing happened. I silently thanked Hermione's awesome magic skills. Wait- on second thought, I turned. "Thanks for your awesome magic skills," I said to her.

Finally, Dumbledore, looking calmer then ever, muttered something under his breath and silver ribbons shot out of the tip of his wand, binding Malfoy until he looked like a fat cocoon and fell to the floor with a quick thud. The Great Hall burst into excited gossiping.

In perfect unison, me, Brit, Lana, Neville, Luna, Ginny, Fred, George, Harry, Hermione, and Ron stood up and left the table. "Like a boss," Lana whispered to me.

"Damn straight," I agreed.

* * *

By the time Snape found me, I was lounging by the Great Lake, watching the squid swim in lazy circles. Lana and Brit were next to me, in the shade one of the trees.

"Miss Greene," he snapped icily. "Headmaster Dumbledore would like to see you in his office."

I exchanged petrified looks with my friends. "Um."

"To_day_ please, you insufferable girl."

"Hey!" Lana said. "Be nice."

Snape's pale face turned bright puce. "How dare you-"

"Sorry, gotta go," she shrugged. "Places to go and people to see, you know how it is. Au revoir, darling." Lana clutched my hand and glided away like a majestic queen. Her Sherlock coat billowed out behind her in the October breeze.

Snape had a look on his face like he'd just bitten into a lemon. His hands clenched into fists. I waved, cheerfully. "Kisses, cherie."

"Wait," Brit whispered in my ear. "Do we really have to see Dumbledore?"

"We trapped a student in an animated ferret costume and set him loose in the Great Hall. What do you think?"

"But it's a weekend!" she whined. (Let's just say this wasn't the first time we'd gotten in "administrative trouble" together. By this point, nothing could faze Brit anymore.)

"Yes, and?"

"And… and…" Brit tried. "Well, I had hoped Dumbledore would ignore the whole thing and we could walk free men, to be perfectly honest."

"Such optimism. Much faith in humanity."

"What_ever_."

"Jelly slugs!" Lana shouted when we reached the statue guarding the Headmaster's office. It creaked aside with a dusty sigh.

And let me tell you, I said we weren't scared but COME. FREAKING. ON. Walking down the HALLWAY to the principal's office is BAD ENOUGH but hiking up a million and six spiral stairs before knocking ominously on a looming set of double doors. I was ready to explode a hole through the wall and fly away.

Big surprise. Hermione, Fred, George, Ginny, Harry, Ron, Neville, and Luna turned to look at us. Ginny had that companionable, knowing glint in her eye- the one that says Hey, buddy. You too?

"Sit down, you three," Dumbledore said wearily, clasping his fingers on his desk. "Now that everyone is here, we can begin."

Hermione was tearing up (and she had to wipe her eyes on the ends of her Fourth Doctor scarf), Harry looked stoic, Fred and George had total matching poker faces, and I was pretty sure Luna was high on something.

"I'm sure you know what you're here for," began Dumbledore.

"Yes, I confess, the eleven of us sitting here before you today stuck Draco Malfoy the insufferable bastard into a ferret costume and let him roam free about the castle. You've wrung it out of me," Lana recited.

Hermione burst into frightened sobs. Ron patted her awkwardly on the shoulder.

"Thank you, Miss Silverstein. Now, am I correct in saying that the Mr. Weasley's, Miss Granger, and Miss Greene were the instigators in this… little event?"

"Yes," I said calmly.

"And were the other's involved?"

"No, but they supported us."

"Do you mind," said Dumbledore, looking at me over his half-moon glasses, "telling me _why_ you were so eager to perform such an act?"

Harry interrupted me. "Because Malfoy's a twat, sir."

"That will be _all_, Mr. Potter."

"Yes, sir." Harry sank back into his chair. I saw George give him a subtle thumbs up.

"Twat or not, students, you must not go unpunished for such an assault."

"No dip," Brit muttered. Dumbledore ignored her.

"Give to me straight, Headmaster," Fred said. "What's it gonna be? Expulsion?"

"I don't think we need anything quite that bad, Mr. Weasley. Two weeks worth of detention will do." He scribbled something down on a notepad that had appeared out of thin air. "Every day until November 14th. You will meet with Severus tonight after supper to discuss the specifics. Am I understood?"

"Yes," Hermione said, her voice wavering.

"Can I get you to promise me you won't do it again?"

"Yes," she repeated. I saw Lana cross her fingers behind her back as she nodded solemnly. Dumbledore gave her a knowing look.

"What?" she asked defensively, tugging at her blue Sherlock scarf. Brit flounced out her dress and smiled brilliantly. "Well, Headmaster, you must excuse us, but look at the time, look at the time. Goodbye, goodbye."

The moment everyone was out and the door closed, Hermione collapsed against the stairs in exhaustion. "You- never do that- to me- again," she stammered.

"We should have been expelled for that!" Harry pointed out.

Hermione burst into sobs. "But it'll go on my permanent record!"

"It'll go on mine too," added Ginny. "Mum will flip her lid."

Brit bent down. "Console yourself. It's going to be fine."

Hermione sniffed. "Yeah, I guess so."

We left. As the eleven of us entered the hallway, Malfoy crept down from the direction of the hospital wing, looking terrified. He snarled like a cat- or a ferret when he saw us. "Wassup, my man," Lana said casually.


	9. Chapter 9

_You,_" Malfoy seethed. "You insignificant, stupid little M-"

"Better watch your mouth," Ginny murmured. "Next time we won't let you off so easy. Fairy princess, maybe?"

"My father will hear about this!"

"Of course."

"You… you'll be disgraced in all respectable communities!"

Hermione cut in, dry-eyed. "Are you implying that you will _spread it around_ in such respectable communities that two Muggleborns and a pair of blood-traitors ambushed you in the dark of night and left you to wander about the castle in a ferret suit?"

And here was the conundrum. I could practically see the little gears turning in his brain. The question was plain- admit to the Wizarding World that you were pranked by a couple of lowlifes for revenge, or shut up and retain dignity?

"Fine!" Malfoy spat with disgust. "Just keep your filthy paws off of me from now on, or I swear-"

"Yes, uh huh, of course," I nodded. "Will do, sir. Absolutely. No doubt about it. Cor blimey, mate. Defintely. Mmhmm."

Lana and Brit got into the action. "Right, old chum," said Brit in a fake accent. "Spot on. Bloody 'ell."

"You better watch your back, you dishy tart, or I'll be 'aving it off with you!" Lana chimed in cheerfully. Malfoy turned bright, tomato red and backed away hastily.

"What did you say?!" I hissed to her, as the others burst into hysterical laughter.

"Nothing," said Lana smoothly. "I simply used my knowledge of Doctor Who to um… talk to him."

"No, but what did you _say_?"

"I said that *** **** **** and he needs ** ** ******* ** *** **** *** **** ***."

I stared at her, my mouth open. "But… but you're gay!"

She snorted. "He doesn't know that." Lana scrunched up her hair and licked her lips seductively. "You know you love me."

"Jesus Christ," I choked. "Why is it I always feel dirty after talking to you?"

"Thank you."

I crossed my arms and took a step back. "That's not a compliment!"

"Suuuuure."

Ew. Even though we were the same age- and I'd had my first kiss!- I was still stuck in the mind of an elementary schooler when it came to… that kind of stuff. Gross.

Ron wiped his eyes. "Bloody hell," he said admiringly.

"Ronald!" Hermione swatted his arm.

"What?"

The only one who seemed oblivious to Lana's intentions was Luna, who smiled in delicate confusion and proceeded to start batting at invisible particles in the air. "It's lovely you feel that way," she murmured. "But what about the apple?"

Two. Weeks. Of. Detention.

Actually, that was pretty easy. Hermione convinced us to see Snape right away, so we made our way down the stairs to the dungeon, stopping by the painting of the fruit bowl so Neville could stress-snack on a chocolate eclair. Snape was in his classroom- on a weekend? Really?- and sitting bolt upright at his desk, waiting for us. I wondered what would've happened if we'd shown up after lunch. He probably would have stayed in the same position for two and a half hours like a bat.

"Students," he said, slimily. (Slimily? Was that a word. Whatever, it was as appropriate to describe his voice as his hair.)

"Pr-pro-professor," stuttered Neville. Ginny shot him a look.

"Longbottom."

"Y-yes, Professor?"

Snape turned away in disgust. "I assume you're here about your fortnight of detention."

"Yes," I said, trying to keep my voice flat and calm. Suddenly, my newly gorgeous hair seemed tomato-bright. At least it was clean. I tugged at my plaid shirt and flattering-yet-literal-hell skinny jeans. "We are."

"Well," Snape… Christ, how do you describe his voice? So greasy, so creepy, so… _snapey_. Anyways. "I believe you have been split up into groups," he… snaped. "Miss Greene, Miss Weasley, Miss Lovegood and… ahem… _Longbottom_, will be assigned to Professor Umbridge every night for the next fortnight, starting Monday. The rest of you degenerates will be pickling giant sea snails with me."

Harry looked mildly relieved. I saw him clutch his hand and I shuddered. This was what was going to happen to us, wasn't it?

Ha. Not if I had anything to do with it.

Before I knew it, Monday had crept up on me and exploded in my face. Ginny, Luna, Neville and me were tramping up to Umbridge's office. (I had a can of pepper spray in the pocket of my robes. Brit said the stun gun was too much, and besides, it wouldn't work in Hogwarts.)

I'd briefed the others on what was going on, and they looked just as scared as I felt. All except for Ginny, who was shaking with anger. "Get ready," she commanded. And knocked. The door opened and Umbridge's looming, 5'1 shadow fell over my face. "Students," she said with a sickly sweet leer. "How nice of you to join me."

"The pleasure is mine," I replied without thinking. Her toad-like face tightened with anger, but she clamped her raisiny mouth shut.

"To what do I owe the delight?" God. She was deliberately drawing it out, taking advantage of Neville's quaking knees and I'm-about-to-wet-myself expression.

"We have detention for two weeks," Ginny said, barely containing her grimace.

"Oh?" Umbridge mocked. "I can't imagine why. Can you enlighten me?"

"We trapped Malfoy in a ferret suit."

"_Sauciness _is not appreciated, Miss Weasely," she sang. "I do believe some punishment is in order for your crimes, hmm?"

Ginny flashed me a quick look. _Sauciness?!_

"Just get it over with," I told Umbridge. "I know what's going to happen."

Her smug expression faded, and replaced itself with something old and hard. "Inside. Now."

The four of us filed in with hanging heads. Ginny and I were upset, Luna had no idea what was going on, and Neville- poor, poor Neville- was as white as a sheet.

Umbridge's office was exacty like I'd imagined it. The walls were painted a hideous shade of bubblegum pink and covered in collectible plates with kittens on them. And any space that didn't have a plate had a doily or a vase of pink flowers. I inhaled nervously and almost gagged on the smell of sugar and chemicals.

In the center of the room, there was a large desk. Behind the desk was one plush, mauve armchair. In front were four chairs, the hard wooden kind, and in front of each chair was a piece of parchment and a jet black quill.

"Sit down, children," Umbridge said softly.

I sat down. My hand went into the pocket of my robes and clutched the pepper spray. "You are going to write this fifty times over: I will not disobey the rules. Now… you may begin."

We stood, terrified.

"_Now_."

* * *

**_I'm_ mad and I was the one who wrote it!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey everyone! So, I'm BACK and somehow of course early June turned into LATE June, but all's well that end's well, right? *uncomfortable silence* My life has been pretty all over the place recently, and I'm SO GLAD TO BE BACK. I probably wrote half this chapter in twenty minutes, like we're talking good old fashioned fingers flying across keys and all that writerly stuff. I'm easing back into my novel too, though it's kind of sad that if I ever got published (haha yeah right) I couldn't tell you guys about it for risk of someone finding this account and my career as a novelist ruined with shame that I write fanfiction about Nico DiAngelo. Chapters should be coming more frequently, and MUCH more regularly! ILU guys. **

**(P.S. I love writing interactions between Ron and Hermione so I TOTALLY have to play that up more in the coming weeks. Sorry to all you out there who don't ship Romione but :/ what can I say? I'm a canon girl at heart.)**

* * *

_I will not disobey the rules. _

I hesitated, knowing what was coming next. Umbridge strolled by and casually slammed my quill into the parchment. I shrieked. Blood trickled down the deep, jagged gash left in my hand.

"Continue, Miss Greene," Umbridge said from her desk. I could practically hear the smile in her voice.

"Um, no!" I snapped. "Is this not child abuse, lady?"

"Hold your tongue! Little criminals get what is coming to them."

"You know who's a little criminal? Bloody Malfoy, that's who! Jesus Christ!"

"Sit down, before I-"

"Oh, I don't think so. Come on, guys. We're taking this to Dumbledore."

Umbridge turned a pasty white. Slowly, an ugly sneer split her face. "Just try," she hissed.

"I will!" I walked over to the door, but before I could turn the knob, I was hit with a pain like nothing I'd ever felt before. I screamed loud enough to shake the kittens on the walls and fell to the floor.

"Jules!" Ginny yelled. She dashed for the exit. I felt the pain lift as Umbridge transferred the Cruciatus to her. I heard her agony as I lay on the ground, tears streaming down my face, trying to catch my breath.

The pepper spray!

With the last of my strength, I lunged forward, squeezed my eyes shut, and sprayed with all my might. Ginny rose to her feet as Umbridge reeled in shock.

I grabbed Umbridge's wand and took off, Luna and Neville in tow. "Ginny!" I called. "Get out!"

"Wait!" she replied. She picked up the half-empty can of pepper spray and put it in her pocket. "Okay. Got it."

"Why do you need that?"

"Leave no trace."

"Right."

We ran.

The trip up to Dumbledore's office had never felt longer. I was, like, 63% sure the staircases were moving just to make fun of us. But after half an hour of fear-fueled sprinting, Neville smashed head first into the gargoyle statue.

"Neville! Are you okay?" I asked.

"No!" His nose was mashed up and bleeding, and a bruise was blooming over his forehead.

"Oh my god," I said. "Should we take him to the hospital wing?"

"I got this," Ginny assured me. "_Episkey!_"

Luna and I watched as Neville's nose snapped back into shape and stopped bleeding. He wiped some of the blood off. "Thanks."

"No problem. Okay, Jelly Slugs."

The path cleared itself, and I cradled my bleeding hand. Ow ow ow ow ow _OW_! Gods of Olympus! I stomped up the stairs and flung open the doors to Dumbledore's office without bothering to knock. Ginny, Luna and Neville ran in after me.

"Miss Greene?" the Headmaster said calmly. "Is something the matter?"

"Yes actually. I think I would like to have a word about something."

"Please." Dumbledore gestured to the seats in front of his desk. "Go right ahead."

"Well, FYI, Professor Umbridge seems to be abusing her students." (That sounded a lot less dramatic then I thought it would, but that _wasn't the point, okay?_)

Pushing up his spectacles, Dumbledore grimaced. "I had suspected as much."

"Take a look," I said, flashing my bloody hand. His eyes held real pain for me. Silently, Dumbledore took his wand and did some fancy non-verbal charm. Before my eyes, the torn skin knitted itself together, not even leaving a scar. Surprisingly, it didn't hurt- rather, I only felt a fuzzy, tingling sensation, they kind you get when you go to the dentist and they give you some stuff to make your mouth numb. He proceeded to perform the charm on Luna, Ginny, and Neville, whose cuts weren't as deep as mine.

"Thanks," I said. I had imagined a dramatic entrance, complete with an orchestral soundtrack and mood lighting, followed by a heart-wrenching speech, and then I would keep my face stone still as my wounds were bandaged. Instead, I was just tired from all that freaking running.

That morning, Professor McGonagall cheerfully announced that "dear, _dear_ Professor Umbridge" would not be returning to Hogwarts for some time. A muted, then resounding cheer went up among the house tables, all except for a certain portion of Slytherins who looked on with stony faces.

"How'd you do it?" Lana said through the chaos.

"No big deal." I grinned. "Pass the toast, will you?"

As everyone was settling back into their breakfast, I saw Malfoy fix his glare on us. Par_ti_cularly, one Miss Alana Silverstein who was absorbed in her scrambled eggs.

And then it hit me.

Oh. My. Freaking. _Gods_.

DRACO MALFOY HAS A CRUSH ON MY BEST FRIEND.

I caught his attention and smiled at him with the venom of a snake. His face turned red and I raised both (sadly, not one) of my eyebrows before turning away with a little smirk. _Smooth_, yo.

Anyways, I quickly whispered something in Lana's ear- _I have to go to the bathroom, and you do too, our code for _IMPORTANT INFORMATION COME WITH ME SO WE CAN SPEAK IN PRIVATE, SO HELP ME- and she dropped her fork and slid out of the bench. As we walked away from the Great Hall and turned the corner, she put her hands on her hips. "What's up."

"Malfoy has a crush on you."

"Wait, what?" I could practically see the emotions racing through her head. "No he doesn't. Does he? Ugh, God, that's disgusting. How do you know?"

"Just now, duh. I swear he was staring at you with the most lovesick puppy dog eyes I have ever laid eyes on and then I looked at him and I kind of gestured to you with my head like this and he _blushed_ so hard."

Lana bit her lip to keep from snorting with laughter. "Ew. Ewwwwww."

"I_ know_ right? We have to tell the others."

"But… how… I mean, I called him a ***-"

I stopped her short. "Don't need that lovely little demonstration, darling. Come on! Ow!" I quickly pulled the source of my pain from the pocket of my jeans- the D.A coin, which was glowing with a new date- tonight.

"I don't believe it," Hermione said. Luna and Lana had gone to class, but the Gryffindor fourth and fifth years had a free period.

"Believe it," I confirmed. Brit muffled a giggle.

"I feel like we can use this somehow," she commented. "I just don't know how."

"Right? Like, do we just wait it out and hope Malfoy gets over it, or…"

"I think we should torture the little git as much a possible," Ron muttered sleepily from his position on the couch.

"Really, Ron," Hermione sniffed delicately. "It's only ten o'clock, how on Earth can you be tired already?"

"How can you not be? Stayin' up all night bloody studying."

"I, for one, happen to care about future career path. You, on the other hand, seem to be making plans to live with your mother until you're forty-five."

"I won't!"

"Well, your terrible grades disagree with you. Maybe you could stand to do a little more _late-night studying_ yourself, Ronald."

"Studying," Brit whispered in my ear over their bickering, "is a euphemism for sex."

"Hush! Dirty mind," I reprimanded. "There is a precious Romione moment going on here!" Seriously though, watching Hermione and Ron go at it, I could practically SEE the romantic tension positively EMANATING from them. The way Hermione's hair puffed up, and Ron's freckles stood out against his reddened face, I could practically squeal.

(I mean yeah, who doesn't ship Dramione like a _little_ bit but no. He ain't good for her, okay?)


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey everyone! At this point, if you haven't already, go back and read the first story in the TBAOJG saga. Otherwise you might be very confused.) *HINT HINT WINK WINK***

* * *

Hermione caught us grinning at her and Ron like idiots. "What?" she asked, smoothing her skirt.

"Oh, nothing."

Brit winked at me and made a little heart sign behind her back. Harry, sitting quietly in his armchair, noticed and dropped his face in his arms. I giggled helplessly, and Hermione threw her hands in the air. "Will someone tell me what's going on?"

"You'll find out soon enough," I said cryptically.

* * *

All through Potions that afternoon, Malfoy kept shooting petrified glances my way (to the annoyance of Snape who called him out in front of everyone). After class, I cornered him, and feigned dumb. "What's up, Draco?"

He smoothed his slick, sticky hair with one hand. _Ugh._ How could I ever have thought this jerk was hot? Now that I knew him up close and personal, all that unfaithful attraction when staring at his angel-blessed sleeping form, surrounded by emerald silk, evaporated like hot steam.

He wasn't my type anyways. I liked dark-eyed, brooding… in short, my faithful boyfriend, whose black hair was always falling in his face, and whose SEXY Italian phrases I had to look up in Google Translate the day after he said them. Did Nico DiAngelo use a bottle of Axe every day? NOPE.

"You're blushing," Malfoy pointed out with a smirk.

"Don't flatter yourself," I scoffed as the crowds of students flowed by us. "It's not for you. For your information, I have a _boyfriend_."

"Boyfriend? Who would stoop to dating _you_?"

"Nico DiAngelo, that's who!"

"DiAngelo? Never heard of him."

For a moment, I forgot which universe- and time period- I was in. "He's from Percy Jackson and the Olympians, duh."

"What's that, a gang? Some second-rate school, is that it?"

"It's a book series, stupid."

_Shoot._

"Your boyfriend is a fictional character?" he choked through hysterical laughter. "How fitting."

"I prefer to think of him as… um… _existentially-challenged_."

"Existentially-challenged?!"

My fingers curled, expecting Hecate's magic to fill them with electrifying energy, until I remembered Evelyn.

I whipped it out and pointed it, trying to look threatening and failing miserably. "Not funny!" But Malfoy was still doubled over. _Fine._

"I know about your crush on Lana!" I shouted loudly.

He shut up right quick.

"How… what?!" he sputtered, suddenly terrified.

"Oh please," I continued. "Like it isn't pathetically obvious. Too bad she's g- out of your league."

"Out of my league? She's a Mudblood!" (Well, so was I, and so was Brit, and he wasn't exactly picking on us. Why do guys mess with girls they're into? Like, wow, what a great way to get her to like you back.)

"And you're kind of a douche," I shot back. "Evens it out, huh?"

"You tell anyone," he seethed, "and the whole school will know about your imaginary boyfriend."

I had to physically keep a grin from splitting my face. "Bring it on, ferret-boy."

(Cause I had a secret, yo. Nico DiAngelo wasn't fictional- and soon everybody at Hogwarts was gonna know it.)

* * *

A plan was drawn that evening. Luna and Lana came down from the Astronomy Tower and I called a meeting. Harry, Hermione, Ron, Lana, Brit, Neville, Ginny, Luna, Fred, George, and me. It was time for a little demonstration.

"So," I began. "You all know that the three of us are from another dimension."

Nods.

"And in that dimension, your life is a book series, right? So, what's stopping other book series from being real?" Hermione had a vaguely excited look on her face, and I could see her mind working. "Yeah, and?" said Ginny.

"Well, you all are about to meet my secret weapon against Draco Malfoy." (I had relayed the whole conversation at dinner, so they knew what was going on.)

Closing my eyes, I went in for my first attempt at wandless magic.

Slowly, I used the tip of my finger to draw a thin white line in mid air, then waved my hands and it stretched out into a rectangle of shimmering energy, big enough for a person to step through.

Everyone was staring at me with shock, and imbued with the drama of the moment, I leaned forwards and put my hand in the center.

The portal winked out of existence, and for a split second I thought I had failed- until a bright light flooded my eyes. As my vision adjusted, I realized I was looking at a field of strawberries.

"Does… does everyone else see that?" I asked.

"What is it?" said Neville.

"That, my friend, is Camp Half-Blood. One moment, please." I stepped through.

* * *

It was autumn at camp, but the sun still beat on my head. I scrambled over the hill, and took a moment to appreciate the view. The cabins stood in a proud row against the sunset. I could see new ones being constructed, just as Percy promised. Kids were lounging around on the grass, chatting by the dock and dangling their legs in the water, practicing archery, sword-fighting, and basketball. It was perfect.

I saw Percy and Annabeth walk hand in hand around the perimeter. Campers would stop to say hi, and the younger ones would just stare admiringly at the ultimate power couple.

"Hey! You guys!" I shouted, running down to meet them.

"Jules!" Annabeth said. "Oh my gods! You're here!" The older girl wrapped me in an embrace. Percy stood off to the side looking awkward- as usual, amiright?

"Seriously, man, haven't you known me long enough?" I laughed, pretending to offer a handshake before pulling him into another hug.

"What brings you here?" he asked.

"Oh… well… Annabeth, prepare yourself, but I've kind of traveled to the world of Harry Potter and I'm in a fight with Malfoy because he has a crush of Lana and then I accidentally told him about Nico so now he's going to tell everyone that my bf is fictional- ahem, existentially-challenged- and so I came here to PROVE that Nico is REAL because, duh, I can bring him with me."

"WHAT?!" Annabeth screamed. Several kids stopped what they were doing to stare at us. "YOU- WHAT? HARRY POTTER?! YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?"

"Oh. Sorry." I motioned to my robes. "Gryffindor, BTW."

"AH!" she started flapping her hands like mad. Classic fangirl move. So proud.

Percy piped up. "That's the book with the magic, right?"

Annabeth and I turned to stare at him. I face palmed. "Yes, Percy. That is the book with the magic."

He nodded. "I saw the movies."

Annabeth laughed under her breath. "Get used to it," she said to me.

"Hey!" Percy said. "I'm offended!"

Suddenly, from the Hephaestus cabin, a a deafening boom echoed across camp, followed by a puff of black smoke. I saw- wait, what?

"A little help, Percy!" came a voice.

Leo Valdez.

But not just Leo Valdez. Leo Valdez barreling towards us at full speed. On fire. ON FIRE.

"Hey, Jules! Long time no see. Oh yeah! EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE. GET ON IT, WATERBOY."

Percy shrugged and took off. A moment later, a massive wave from seemingly out of nowhere extinguished the fire- and drenched the whole camp in the process. "Sorry, guys," he shouted.

Annabeth looked at me, and we both started laughing. "What was he doing in there, anyways?" I choked, wiping away tears.

"Working on a present for Calypso. I think next week is their two-month anniversary."

"That is SO CUTE. Why didn't anybody tell me about this?!"

"He's keeping it a crazy secret. Piper snuck in there once and told me about it, but whatever he's making is covered by a tarp so she couldn't see what it was. All I know is that it's massive."

"What a catch."

She snorted. "Right."

"Speaking of adorable boyfriends, where's Nico?"

Annabeth pointed to the Hades cabin. "He's in a mood. Go talk to him."

"Wish me luck." I was only half joking.

* * *

***FALLS DEAD ON FLOOR OF FANGIRLING***


	12. Chapter 12

**What's up, everyboddddyyyy! So, fair warning, this chapter mainly takes place in the world of my OTHER fanfic, which takes place in the world of PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIANS. If you haven't read that fic, or by extension haven't read Percy Jackson, I really suggest it, or at least looking up the characters on Wikipedia in order to give yourself a vague understanding of what direction I'm taking it :P I'm not going to change the category here to a crossover, since the next fanfictions in this series will obviously feature both PJO and HP, and so on and so forth. So if I'm five installments in and the category is "doctor who/sherlock/percy jackson/ the walking dead/ downton abbey/ harry potter/hunger games/the fault in our .etc.", although I do maintain that I write for my own enjoyment, hey, I'm only human and I want my fics to be easily accessible. (ALL I REALLY WANT IS YOUR VALIDATION!) So, that aside, enjoy! **

**::WARNING! FEELS AHEAD!::**

* * *

There he was. I closed the door of the Hades cabin quietly. Nico lay curled up in one of the dusty beds, facing the wall, a pillow over his face. "Go away, Annabeth," he muttered.

I ignored the warning and came closer, placing a hand on his shoulder. He whipped around. "I _said_-" He stopped short, eyes wide.

"Hey," I whispered. Nico was white as bone, and the dark circles under his eyes were the color of rotting plums. His amazing hair was tangled and unwashed. "Jules?"

"Yup."

"What are you doing here?"

"Annabeth."

"Ughhh." He turned on his back and rubbed his temples. (Gods of Olympus, it was taking everything in me not to jump him, but since those first crazy days aboard the Argo II, we'd been taking it slow. Kisses on the cheek, hand-holding, stuff that was more like what a normal teenage couple would do. That was fine, though. More to look forward too *wink wink*.)

"What's up, man?" I asked, pushing aside the fact that I had come here to ask him to show Draco Malfoy up for me.

Wordlessly, he handed me a photograph from the pocket of his aviator jacket. It was crumpled and torn, but looked still relatively new. I sat down in the little bed next to him and unfolded it against my lap. It was a snapshot of a family, a young couple, a green-eyed woman and a man with curly brown hair. Sitting on his shoulders was their daughter- maybe about five, with strawberry-blonde hair and green eyes. A smile split her face, which was dotted with freckles. The figures were a little bit blurred, as if they had been moving when the picture was taken.

"Who is she?" I said.

Nico looked at me with anguish. "Bianca." He wasn't talking about the woman. He was talking about the girl.

I held up the photo and searched for any resemblance to Nico. There was none- he was Italian and dark-haired, she was Irish or something.

"How did you find her?" I murmured.

"I don't know. I just saw her, on a mission. A glimpse on the street, and I knew. I just… I just knew. So I followed them home. Will almost got sprayed by a basilisk while I was away. And… and… I don't know what I was thinking."

"Hey. It's okay." I got down next to him. "That's good, right? She's happy. She's safe."

"Yeah, I know, I know!" Tears formed at the corners of his eyes. "But she's… human. Like, all human. And look at her! She's not Bianca. She's not anything like Bianca. But she _is_."

I had nothing to say to this, so I just put my head on his shoulder and listened.

"She didn't recognize me, either. When I saw her, just out of the corner of my eye, it was like being slapped. I _knew_ her. I _know_ her. And she doesn't know me. I'm only another face in a sea of faces, and she'll never know that she _left me behind_. I'm her brother! _But I'm not_."

He was sobbing now, deep, awful sobs, the kind that ring hollow with hopelessness and the knowledge that there is nothing you can do to help.

"Shh, shh," I whispered, like a mother to her child. "Don't cry."

Nico buried his face in my hair, and as tears stung my own eyes, I called on the Mist and let it settle gently over him like soft cold snow. He was asleep.

* * *

I was confronted by Hazel and Annabeth, as soon as they spotted me with tears still staining my cheeks, my hair a mess, and my robes crumpled.

"Jules!" Hazel said. "What happened to you?!"  
"Thanks," I laughed wetly. "Nico happened, that's what."

"Normally," put in Annabeth, eyeing my disheveled appearance "I don't cry after Percy and I-"

"That's not-" I interrupted quickly. " I mean… that's not what… no! Ew- wait, EW! You're- ugh."

After listening to my totally coherent stream of disgust, spots of blush appeared on Hazel's face like two cherries. "Um…" she said.

"Sorry," Annabeth said, not sounding sorry at all. "But, on a more serious note, what on Earth happened in there?"

I explained the whole ugly mess to them, starting with the photo of Bianca's new life, and ending with my sleep spell. Hazel looked devastated by the time I finished. "I can't believe he wouldn't tell anyone," she said.

"I can," Annabeth said sadly.

"Yeah… I guess my plan to steal him away back to Hogwarts isn't happening for a while."

"Hog-what?" said Hazel.

"Another universe. School for teenage witches and wizards." I gestured to my getup. "Snazzy uniforms."

She nodded. "Okay."

"I don't know," Annabeth said. "Maybe that's exactly what he needs. A change of scenery could do him some good."

I shrugged. "I hope so. TBH, I don't even know how long he'll be knocked out for… I've never used that spell before."

"Indefinitely," said Hazel. "Both since you've never put anyone to sleep before, you wouldn't know your own strength. You'll need to go get him. Or I can, if you think he would be angry at you."

"No, no. I feel like it's my responsibility." Hazel looked at me for a moment before pulling me into a hug.

"Thank you," she whispered. I had the feeling it wasn't just for covering her for Nico Duty. "You're welcome," I said.

* * *

The portal to the Gryffindor common room opened easily. Annabeth gaped like a fish as the others came into focus. "Oh my gods oh my gods oh my gods," she squealed, hyperventilating.

"Yo," said Lana from the other side. I grabbed Nico's hand and set one foot in the rectangular portal, as easily as walking through a doorway.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked.

"Nope!" I replied, laughing. "Let's go."

The two of us stepped through and the world of Percy Jackson and the Olympians was replaced with Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

"So this is your boyfriend," said Luna dreamily. Brit just sat there with her mouth wide open. I remembered our conversation the week before- _And, you expect me believe that you, _you,_ somehow seduced Nico Di Angelo into being your boyfriend._

Oh, yes, I thought. Nico waved shyly. "Hi."

I turned around and saw Annabeth, Hazel, Percy, Leo, Frank, Jason, and Piper all standing in the golden light of late afternoon. They looked radiant, every bit the part of children of the gods- except for Annabeth, who was basically crying with joy. But she still looked majestic.

"See you soon," I said. With a wave, the portal collapsed in on itself and I swiveled around with my hands on my hips. "How much time has passed?" I asked Hermione. "None," she said.

"Not bad. How much left in free period?"

"Three minutes."

"_Excellent_. By now, the whole school will know about my _fictional_ boyfriend." I kissed Nico on the cheek. "_Fictional._"


	13. Chapter 13

**I LIVE!**

**So, lots of new developments have occurred in the... what is it, five months since I've posted? Insane amounts of new developments because apparently starting school again means about a mountain of schoolwork, extracurricular activities, and drama. So for any of you who gave up on me, you basically had every right to. **

**Also. Fair warning: this is the LAST CHAPTER. I REPEAT. LAST CHAPTER. **

**And no, I'm not ending it like this because I ran out of ideas and had to think of a speedy cop out. I felt like this was a good place to end, in order to keep the tension for the next installment of Jules' adventures. If you would like to tell me which fandom I should select in the comments, PLEASE DO! Right now I'm think Doctor Who, as Season 8 just ended so I wouldn't have to make any quick adjustments. If so, which Doctor?! However, I, of course, want my work to reach as wide an audience as possible, without alienating any of my current readers! So if you don't watch or don't like Doctor Who, feel free to suggest a different idea! (It is getting harder and harder to maintain the same audience as I increase the number of fandoms, so remember... I can't please everybody :P)**

**In addition to that, I would like to work on a Sherlock one shot with Jules And Co. Should I wait until after the Christmas special? It might be fun to set it in Victorian times :)**

**ANYWAYS. ENJOY! 333**

* * *

Just as I suspected! When I stepped into the Great Hall with my friends, heads turned. Malfoy smirked at me from across the room and I threw a casual arm around Lana's shoulders. She turned to look at me and I winked. Realization flashed across her face and she turned to Ferret-Boy and gave him a small, shy-yet-flirty smile.

Sweet Jesus, she was good.

Anyway, that aside. Eventually, the Slytherins stopped whispering and got back back to eating. Except, naturally, for Malfoy, who stood up and shouted, "Hey, Greene! Where's your boyfriend?!"

Laughter. I noted with pleasure that Professor McGonagall was about to storm down and give him detention, (Snape of course, was smirking) but before she could I yelled right back. "Right here, you jerk!"

This was Nico's cue. He stepped shyly out into the Great Hall. Dead silence. Thankfully, most of the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs, and_ all_ of the Gryffindors were were rolling their eyes at Malfoy's little display, but it was obvious they wanted to see how it would play out.

I stared down Malfoy with pleasure. "Looking for someone?"

"You… wha… is this some kind of trick?" Malfoy demanded. "Who is this? I've never seen him before!"

"This *cough cough* is my boyfriend Nico. Didn't I tell you about him? Well, I'm dreadfully sorry. I magicked him in to say hello! Say hello, Nico!"

"Um. Hey."

"You _magicked_ him in? That's illegal!"

_Who's grasping at straws now?_

"Mr. Malfoy," Professor McGonagall said curtly. "That's quite enough."

"But Prof-"

"I said, enough. As you are perfectly aware, Mr. DiAngelo is merely an exchange student from America, and Miss Greene is being kind enough to get him acquainted here at Hogwarts. Now, I would suggest you stop gaping at me like a fish and return to your meal."

(_Okay, okay. Hold up. Why does literally everything sound more imposing and awesome with a Scottish accent? You _go_, Maggie Smith. Hells yes._)

Exchange student? What? McGonagall obviously would't have lied to save me, let alone if it involved a security breach, so some timey-wimey dimension-y magic must be happening here.

Suh-weet.

Anyways. It was obvious from the look of surprise on most of the kids faces that this was news to them- probably because of their foreknowledge? Like how Percy and Annabeth and Hazel and those crew didn't get fake memories of me being at Camp Half-Blood with them in between visits- the minuscule blue smiley face was still etched into all of our skin. Because they were pre-warned, the mind warp powers didn't have the same effect as they did on teachers who knew nothing about Malfoy's little plan. And yet, I could see students returning to their meals like nothing had happened- (probably less a side-effect of my powers and more them accepting the fact that Malfoy was a douche and totally lied to them.)

Victory tastes sweet, my friends. Victory tastes sweet.

I was still silently basking in the glow of my mini-conquest. Nico looked basically confused as heck, but was taking it like a boss. I caught a couple admiring girls- and guys- sneaking glances at him, (which he of course didn't notice). He was still a little sadder and quieter, I thought, sipping a goblet of pumpkin juice. Not that Nico DiAngelo could ever be described as cheerful and loud, but… whatever. I slid my hand over his under the table.

"You okay?" I asked over the noise.

"Yeah." He smiled shyly, and my throat constricted. _God dammit_. My cheeks heated up and I mentally cursed myself for being… _gross_… at a time like this. Bleh. Ugh. Whatever.

Oh my god. Shut uppppp.

"Good." I grinned back at him, possibly a little bit too wide considering that fact that I was ready to… eh… hold hands.

Lana looked up from across the table. "You have food stuck in your teeth."

Nico tried to cover up his snickering. I reached over and flicked Lana with a spoonful of mashed potatoes.

She dabbed her face and turned away to talk to Hermione. A moment later, an entire slice of mince pie went careening into my lap.

Oh that is _it_.

What was that I did espy? A perfect cut glass tureen of… chocolate pudding.

If Leo was here… but never mind. In an instant, I dumped the contents over Lana's plate, splattering her and everyone else. It only took an instant for food to be flying everywhere, the chaos spreading from Gryffindor to the house tables in an instant.

Fred and George were catapulting spoonfuls of jello into the hair of unsuspecting passerby's. Ron artfully threw a handful of peas at Hermione, who pretended to ignore him only to drop a dozen roast potatoes down his the back of his robes when he wasn't looking.

Wow. A slow, easy smile spread across my face. For once, I didn't have to worry about math tests or jerk teachers or any of that. Well, I did, but everything was somehow better then it was in our corner of the multiverse.

It was good to be back.

I barely noticed the corners of my eyesight starting to blink out.

A blinding, humming white crept into my field of vision. I blinked hard and rubbed my eyes, which did nothing but cause a field of dancing rainbow disco lights to blare in front of my face.

Oh God.

I tried to shake Nico's shoulder, but I could barely feel his shoulder under my fingers. Everything was numb and static-y.

_Guys! Help! _

I was moving my mouth, but no sound was coming out. Was I? What was going on? The world spun until I was looking at the floor, like my eyeballs were twirled in their sockets. The rainbow lights grew stronger.

There was a strong, pulling feeling just under my heart. I felt as if someone had tied a string around one of my ribs and was pulling, hard, hard, hard like I was moving through sticky peanut butter and… and…

I was on the floor, or maybe I was still sitting. My mind was filled with cotton candy and… and…

What?

_Ah! _I stood up, or maybe I rolled over, or maybe I tripped over the bench that wasn't there in the first place! I was desperate for any sort of sensory information, swinging my arms into the white void that had completely encompassed my vision. I tried to smell the spiced crackling scent that signified Hecate's presence, but I couldn't control the muscles in my nose, or my face…

**I woke up. **

Blood was streaming down my nose. I pulled myself off my couch, which was sticky with sweat.

Gross. Grossgrossgrossgrossgross!

I cupped my face, trying to catch the red in my hand, and stumbled to the kitchen for some napkins or paper towels or something. My ears were ringing… huh. Just as I thought that, they subsided. I looked out from my kitchen window, holding a couple napkins to my nose. The sun was peeking out pink and orange from behind the sparse trees marked the transition from our property to our neighbors. I must have woken up way before Brit and Lana.

Great, now I could just sit there awkwardly and stare at them like Edward from Twilight or something.

Except…

I never get nosebleeds. But something, something that felt cold and iron-strong in the back of my head, something that sent chills down my spine, was telling me that I get nosebleeds all the time. No big deal.

I mouthed the words involuntarily.

Something was very, very off. I pressed the palm of my hand to my eyes and—

Nothing. Maybe it was just the remnants of my dream, passing through my mind.

Yeah, that must have been it.

I stood there for a long time, facing the rosy sunlight streaming in through the window, trying to remember something I'd already forgotten.

Lana and Brit didn't wake up in an hour. They didn't wake up in two hours, even when I shook their warm bodies and shouted in their ears. They didn't wake up when their parents came to pick them up, after noon.

They didn't wake up when the sirens came whistling down the street, or when the ambulance parked on our front lawn, or when they were carried into the back on stretchers.

The people at the hospital did blood tests and DNA tests and every sort of test you could think of, and there was nothing in Lana and Brit's system.

My best friends were sleeping.

Just… sleeping.

Their temperature was normal. Their pulses were normal. They breathed in and out in perfect, robotic harmony. To any onlookers, they looked absolutely normal.

For a while I would race home from the bus and sit awkwardly in one of their living rooms while their parents brought me glasses of water. I would drop off their homework, in case they woke up and wanted to catch up on school work (yeah right).

For a while after that, I would go everywhere with the ringer on my phone turned up to full blast until one of them called. After a few detentions, I stopped. I let go. I got up when my alarm went off. I went to school. I came home and did a little homework, and then I went to sleep.

I never dreamed anymore. That was almost worse then nightmares—the total absence of my subconscious. It wasn't that I just didn't remember my dreams. I could remember them fine, but they always seemed like blank white voids. Not black. Just white. White as a sheet of paper.

And always, always, always, there was that iron in my brain. Pressing in the back on my skull. Cold, foreign. I knew—I knew _something_.

Something _important_.

Because I never get nosebleeds. But now I was getting them all the time.

* * *

**WHAAAAAAAAAAT?! **

**KEEP WATCHING TO DISCOVER THE CAUSE OF HER MYSTERIOUS AILMENT. AND DON'T FORGET TO VOTE!**


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